Why Why Why??

For those of you that know me you probably know that my life is like a roller coaster....always changing, up and down up and down. So why is it that absolutely NOTHING in life can go as planned? Or should the question be why is it that I haven't learned to accept things don't ever go as planned? For whatever reason, I still have hope. Before I go on, I must write this -

** Err with Caution**
If you are not into reading "venting" blogs or more so "pity party" blogs then you  might not want to read any farther. Let the bitch session begin....

Okay so where do I start? I'll just go with my current irritating, annoying, anxiety situation. In January of 2010 I dedicated myself to six months of something i'm highly interested in, the medical field.  I had an opportunity to become an EMT. During that time I worked full time at my day job, drove an hour to class, had a four hour class, and drove the hour home. All to get up and do it all over again. This was hard on me as it meant time away from family. But I had to do something that could potentially benefit all of us.  So after the six months I took my practical test and passed. Took my computer based test a month later and passed that as well. For some odd reason I didn't apply to get nationally certified until December. Silly right? So I kind of looked for jobs but came to the conclusion EMT's do not get paid anything. I cannot take a drop in pay. I'm talking a $5/hr drop in pay. So then what? Just go on with my day job and everything is fine. Well within the past few months I realized I am not a person meant for an office job. I'm not happy sitting at a desk day after day processing paperwork dealing with insurance hoopla. I want something more! Funny enough, I just happened to remember my EMT license expires March of 2012 and I haven't done any continuing education hours or my 24 hour refresher. So this past weekend I spent my time at the refresher. So glad I learned. On my drive to get Kylie from my mom I became so excited. I realized I can go back to school in the medical field, I can make it work! I will get an EMT job and work around Chris' schedule and then go to school when Kylie is in school. I wouldn't be taking away from hardly any family time from Kylie because she would always have myself or Christopher around. Sounds promising right? Well as I said earlier, nothing ever goes as planned. I got to the usual halfway place where I meet my mom to exchange Kylie and had some time to spare while waiting. I opened up my mail. Well what do ya know, it was my recertification paperwork. As I read through the requirements my heart sank! Tears could not be held back. My excited from the hour long drive had ended. In big bold letters read "IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME RE CERTIFYING, YOU MUST HAVE 6 MONTHS OF EXPERIENCE UNDER THE SUPERVISION OF A MEDICAL DIRECTOR. YOU CANNOT APPLY FOR INACTIVE STATUS. NO EXCEPTIONS APPLY." Those aren't the exact words but pretty dang close. I knew I was going to have to get a job somewhere because I don't have a medical director over me now. I can't volunteer at a volunteer fire dept because we live in city  limits therefore my only option is job. I was banking on the inactive status if a job fell through. But March is 5 months away and I should be able to find a job by then. Wait March is 5 months away and according to the recertification process I cannot apply for inactive status and I must have 6 months of experience. Guess what that means??? My EMT license is doomed. ='( I know to some it may not seem like the end of the world but for ONCE for ONE time I just wish something, anything would work out. I want so badly to go to school. I was even talked into losing the pay as I knew it would be worth it. If only I could afford to go to school and not work. If only I could find a job that would work around my school hours that didn't take up all of my family time. Where do I go from here? What does my future hold?

to be continued...